Motherhood is often described as a beautiful journey, filled with love, joy, and precious moments. While this is undoubtedly true, in the face of unrealistic social media expectations, I believe it’s essential, now more than ever, to acknowledge that motherhood is a messy and emotionally complex experience. No matter what it looks like on the outside, on the inside women are dealing with balancing emotions that can feel like riding a rollercoaster, with unexpected twists and turns coming at any given moment.
Society often expects mothers to be perfect, nurturing, and endlessly patient. Moms that are raising children and juggling multiple roles, with career, relationships, family obligations, and community contributions often feel this pressure even more intensely. They are often expected to have all the answers and maintain an air of composure at all times. However, the reality is that we are far from perfect. Motherhood involves a constant struggle to find that perfect balance between the demands of family, work, and self-care. It’s essential to acknowledge that we don’t have all the answers and to embrace the messiness of it all. Doing anything other than this projects the idea that we have it all together at all times to other moms and propagates the problem.
I’ve found, through my 18 years of motherhood and raising 3 kids of varying ages, that moms with littles and moms of teenagers or young adults have different emotional complexities to embrace. With each age and developmental stage, came a host of new challenges. Mothers with babies and toddlers, for instance, are navigating the intensity of nurturing and constant care, where love and exhaustion are intermingled and learning is at the forefront of our days. In contrast, mothers of teenagers and young adults are intermingling feelings of nostalgia for our children’s younger years while simultaneously embracing the exciting changes that come with adolescence and adulthood. Teenage moms, like myself, often feel pride, worry, regret, hope all at the same time while our children begin to assert independence and set out to become the people we hopefully raised them to be.
Balancing the emotions that arise during each phase of motherhood can be tricky. Proud and delighted by our children’s accomplishments at one moment, and overwhelmed with worry and doubt the next, there are a few simple KEYS to help us stay in the right frame of mind:
- Embrace Emotional Complexity: We must learn to accept and validate each of the emotions we feel, at each and every stage of motherhood, recognizing that they are entirely normal. We must find ways to thrive in our own personal lives while going through any messy periods.
- Call in the Self-Care Lifeline: When we find ourselves pulled in countless directions, it’s crucial to prioritize our own well-being, both mentally and physically. Contrary to what you might think, self-care isn’t selfish; it’s a lifeline that allows mothers to manage our emotions and continue to be the loving, supportive presence that our families need. Self-care can take many forms, and be as simple as scheduling a manicure and pedicure each week, going on a walk with a friend, taking a bath when we’re overwhelmed or can even seeking therapy or counseling to help us process complex emotions. Self-care, in any form, is about recognizing that while we are moms, we’re also still people with needs and desires beyond our role as a parent.
- Cultivate Connections that offer Support: I’ve found over the years that having a supportive community and a connection with a group of other like-minded people has helped me navigate the emotional ups and downs of motherhood. It has felt like even my toughest mothering days have been made more manageable when I had a support system to help me through it. Whether I was leaning on my husband, confiding in friends, or participating in activities with other moms in similar stages of motherhood, sharing my experiences and feelings with others who understood or could relate was incredibly comforting to me and helped me feel that I was never alone.
Motherhood is undoubtedly a messy endeavor, for women of all ages. Balancing emotions during this phase of life requires acknowledging the imperfections and complexities and embracing the journey. It’s about understanding that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to motherhood and allowing yourself the space and relationships that will help you evolve. It’s about letting go of perfection and embracing the messiness of motherhood, practicing self-care, seeking and giving support, and cherishing the unique journey you are on. In the end, it’s the combination of love and imperfection that makes motherhood the beautiful, joyous and deeply rewarding experience that it is. Moms are a source of love, strength, and wisdom for our families and by embracing the MESSINESS OF MOTHERHOOD, we learn to be that same source of inspiration for ourselves!